Because of widespread use of social media, there has been an increase in awareness of the more unconventional holidays. April 10th is National Sibling Day, May 24th National Brother’s Day, August 4th National Sister’s Day… the list goes on to even lesser-known holidays on up to major holidays such as Mother’s and Father’s Day. For many, these days bring feelings of love and excitement, and give people an opportunity to gush about their loved ones, but what about the people whose familial relationships are complicated, tumultuous, or maybe involve estrangement? Feelings of shame and sometimes guilt may arise around these holidays making it important to be proactive in taking care of your mental wellbeing, and there are many ways to do so.
Social media is a primary source of connection these days, and while there are many benefits to social media, there are downsides as well. When it comes to holidays celebrating family you may notice an increase in posts describing family relationships as having loyalty, respect, or love. You may feel isolated because your own experiences do not mirror this. If you find yourself in a social media trap of comparing your worst to somebody else’s best, it may be time to take a break. The length of time for you to abstain from social media will be different for everyone, and it is up to you to decide. If you find yourself reaching for a certain app out of habit, I suggest you instead try taking that time to journal and reflect on what you are experiencing. Write about the boundaries you are creating between yourself and the family you struggle with. List the reasons why you are taking a break and enforcing your boundaries. It is easy to forget that we do have some control of the messages we receive on social media, and there are times when stepping away is what is most beneficial.
Taking a social media break may not feel necessary, and that is okay, but if you do find yourself being triggered by the gestures of those around you, there are still ways you can practice mindfulness. It is important not to judge your feelings; feelings are temporary and change as time passes, you gain knowledge, and learn tools to cope. A mindful activity is something done to help relax you and enjoy the present moment. Activities may include a nature walk, journaling, reading, yoga, fishing, meditation, crafts, the list goes on. Find something that you enjoy that helps regulate your breathing and keep you present. The more often you substitute your doomscrolling of social media with your meditative activities the more often you may find yourself instinctively reaching for them.
You established your boundaries in response to problematic behaviors in the relationship with your family member(s) but sometimes positive memories from the past can complicate feelings in the present. You may be holding on to hope about what could have been with the relationship. One way to shift gears from comparing the past to the present is to create new traditions. Traditions often develop from a space of love and fun, but over time and with troublesome relationships, they can become overwhelming and feel like an obligation. Make a list of traditions that no longer serve you or your family, and brainstorm ways to bring your own personal values in creating your own traditions.
Trauma and complicated relationships often go hand in hand, but there are mindful ways to navigate moving forward when triggered. Social media breaks can be necessary for many reasons including avoiding being triggered by posts. There are countless activities to help bring you back to the present moment, you just need to discover what works for you and go for it! Reach for it any time you feel stressed or find yourself ruminating over your troubled relationships. Practicing mindfulness can also include things like taking time to let go of the traditions that bring heartache, not joy. It is not necessarily easy to navigate life with strained family relationships, but there are lots of ways to move forward and be gentle with yourself. It can feel isolating when it appears everyone has deeply loving relationships, but remember, you are not alone and are only seeing snapshots of what they choose to show. There can be healing through estrangement and strained relationships. Just remember that you are regularly learning more tools to move forward in healthy ways, and I am so proud of you.
Are you looking for help with your own triggers? Contact us to schedule an appointment with a therapist.
Call/Text us: 616-284-1329 Email us: echivis@mariposacounselingllc.com
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